


ghost in my lungs

by doctor_r



Category: Oh My Girl (Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Allergies, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Magical Realism, Flowers, Hanahaki Disease, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-05
Updated: 2016-01-05
Packaged: 2018-05-11 21:34:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5642758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doctor_r/pseuds/doctor_r
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>And I love you so much, I'm going to let you kill me.</em>—<a href="https://youtu.be/86m4pL3kMZQ">Florence + the Machine</a></p>
            </blockquote>





	ghost in my lungs

**Author's Note:**

  * For [administrator_p](https://archiveofourown.org/users/administrator_p/gifts).



> **Warnings:** hanahaki disease  
>  **Notes:** Title and summary from [Ghosts](https://youtu.be/86m4pL3kMZQ) by Florence + the Machine.
> 
>  _[anthophilia](https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/anthophilia)_ means "love of flowers" but I'm exercising my artistic license and using it here in the style of _[haemophilia](http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?term=hemophilia) (tendency to bleed)._

 

 _Don't fall in love,_  
_fall off a bridge._  
_It hurts less._  
— source unknown

 

"What did you think of the movie?" Mihyun asks, glancing over her shoulder, her face painted first blue then orange from the neon lights of the signs along the street. Hoseok shrugs.

"It was okay," he says, yawning, arms stretched up towards the night sky, smudged with light pollution and no stars in sight. "I just—everyone seemed to fall in and out of love so fast? It got kind of boring."

"Still, there's something nice about falling in love?" Shi Ah's voice sounds soft, and Mihyun glances over at her with an evil twinkle in her eye.

"That sounds like you've been thinking about someone. . ." she says, nudging Shi Ah with her shoulder. Shi Ah just rolls her eyes.

"Shut up!" Her voice is too defensive though, and Hoseok joins in on the friendly ribbing.

"Who's the lucky girl?" he asks, as they turn the corner and file through the door of their favourite coffee shop, with strawberry shaved milk-ice.

Shi Ah blushes, and Mihyun laughs. "I knew it! I bet it's—"

"Yoo Bin!" Taehyung interrupts, slinging an arm around Hoseok's shoulder.

Shi Ah doesn't say anything, and they all poke her affectionately as she glares at Taehyung, who only grins and pays for her dessert, skipping out of reach when she tries to push her cash at the cashier first.

 

Hoseok hums in satisfaction at the first spoonful of delicious coolness filling his mouth and trickling down his throat. Across the table, Taehyung is already making a mess with his spoon and Shi Ah is eating the strawberries first.

"Earlier," Mihyun begins, swallowing her mouthful of ice, "you were talking about falling in love and I remembered your friend, Taehyung."

Hoseok looks up, glancing at Taehyung. He has such a wide group of friends and the stories he can tell are always so strange, so fascinating, that he and the girls are always convinced Taehyung is making it up until the stories inevitably turn out to be true.

"Oh," Taehyung says, and then grins, sticking a huge mouthful of shaved milk-ice into his mouth as they all glare at him and wait for him to swallow.

"You jerk," Mihyun says, but refrains from elbowing him. The last time Shi Ah did that, Taehyung ended up spitting out half-chewed fries all over the table and it had been pretty disgusting.

"I have a friend," Taehyung finally says, Hoseok tapping his finger on the table as though that has ever hurried Taehyung along, "who can't fall in love."

He stops then, as they wait for the next words, and finally Shi Ah can't help it anymore.

"And. . .?" she prompts.

"And that's it!" Taehyung says, reaching for another spoon of dessert. Mihyun blocks his hand expertly, and Hoseok grabs for the dessert, sliding it into his protective custody as a hostage until Taehyung finishes the story.

They're a good team, Hoseok, Mihyun and Shi Ah.

"Fine," Taehyung says, rolling his eyes. "He can't fall in love because he'll probably die."

The sudden silence is broken suddenly by the most annoying ringtone Hoseok has ever heard, which means of course that it's Taehyung's; sure enough he reaches for it and promptly stands, slipping out of his seat.

"Sorry guys," he says, waving at the door, "but I have to go!"

He's already stepping out the door by the time Mihyun has the chance to protest, "But what about the rest of the story?"

 

 _Philophobia (n)_  
— the fear of falling in love

 

Hoseok doesn't see Taehyung again till Thursday night, riding the bus back home. Taehyung is texting someone, laughing, when Hoseok spots him, and he's curious.

"Hey," he calls, squeezing around a woman in a red coat with a baby stroller. "Are you heading home too?"

Taehyung looks up and waves. "Hi Hoseok!" He taps something into his phone, then pats the seat beside him, which is somehow empty. Hoseok slips into it with a sigh of relief that he won't have to spend the entire ride hanging from the hand-holds. "I'm actually going to see Jimin; he's bored and texted me."

"Jimin?" Hoseok tries to shuffle back through all the people Taehyung's mentioned over the years, but nothing come to mind. "I don't think you've mentioned him.

Taehyung gives him an disappointed glance. "I talked about him just last time!|

"No you didn't!" Of this Hoseok is sure, in fact, he can't remember Taehyung mentioning any names last night—

Oh.

"Is Jimin the one who can't fall in love?" Hoseok asks, and it feels strange to be talking about someone like that, someone who has a name and a face, someone Taehyung is going to see today. Taehyung's stories, even if they're true, are always stories. This feels like a walking into a fairy tale.

"Yup!" Taehyung nods, oblivious to Hoseok's internal crisis. "He's not all magic or whatever you're thinking though," and Hoseok ducks his head to hide his embarrassment, because he had been thinking along those lines. "He's just an ordinary guy with allergies."

"Allergy to what?" Hoseok asks, confused. "Love?"

Taehyung rolls his eyes, and presses the button for the stop. "Don't be ridiculous. He's allergic to flowers; goes into anaphylactic shock if he eats or breathes them." He stands, pulling Hoseok along to the door. "Come and see him for yourself."

 

Jimin looks like an ordinary guy. Hoseok isn't sure what he expected, _of course you know what you expected_ , he mentally berates himself, _you expected some kind of pining princess from Disney or an angry young man from a Hollywood movie_ but Jimin is distressingly, reassuringly normal.

"Hi," Jimin says, shaking Hoseok's hand after Taehyung introduces them. "Nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too," Hoseok says, trying not to sound stiff and failing. He's not sure how to react and Taehyung is no help because he's always bizarre.

"I was telling Hoseok about you," Taehyung says, choosing just that moment to embarrass him completely and Hoseok contemplates turning on his heels and leaving now to save himself the shame, but he stops when he sees Jimin's curious expression.

"Yeah?"

"Hoseok likes dancing too," Taehyung says, winking at Hoseok, who has half a mind to throttle him anyway.

Jimin distracts him though, the way his face lights up and he glances back with what is definitely considerably more interest. "Are you in dance?" he asks, with the first glimpse of something like a wistful expression. Hoseok nods.

"Jimin used to be in dance," Taehyung says, helping himself to an apple from the bowl on the table, "but he missed the audition because of the hospital."

There's a sudden silence as Hoseok watches Jimin glare at Taehyung, who takes a bite of his apple, unaffected.

Hoseok feels lost. "The hospital?" he asks, even though it seems to be a sore point. "Did you get a dance injury?"

"Not really—" Jimin starts but is interrupted by Taehyung, talking messily around the half-chewed apple in his mouth.

"He fell in love."

And once again, Hoseok feels like everything relate to Taehyung is huge and confusing and makes absolutely no sense at all.

 

 _Don't fall in love_  
_with the flower_  
_and then try to change_  
_its scent._  
— source unknown

 

Hoseok is surprised to see Jimin again, after the disastrous visit with Taehyung where he'd just ended up dragging his friend away to avoid making the situation worse, apologizing to Jimin on the way out as Taehyung complained.

"What was that for?" Taehyung had complained, mouth still full of apple, and Hoseok has just sighed and started walking home, leaving Taehyung in the middle of the sidewalk, complaining to no one in particular.

So when Hoseok straightens up from his leg stretch, expecting to see Shi Ah working on her splits, only to see a different familiar face, he can't think of anything to say and, in consequence, stands there for a moment in silence, Mihyun eyeing him curiously before her eyes flick over to the newcomer.

"Hi," she says, her eyes vaguely curious.

"Hi," Jimin replies, and then looks directly at Hoseok. "Is Taehyung around?"

Taehyung is off getting ice cream or jumping in the duck pond again or anything really, except doing what he's supposed to be doing, which is warming up for dance practice, even if he is only doing it for fun and not because he's a dance major. Hoseok shakes his head.

"Oh good," Jimin says, and plops down into a chair, leaving Hoseok more confused than before.

"Aren't you looking for him?" he finally asks, leaning over to stretch the other leg. "Why did you come?" Jimin just shakes his head.

"Taehyung said I could drop by the studio any time," he explains, "but I'm kind of annoyed at him right now so I was hoping he'd be out."

"Well you're in luck," Hoseok says ruefully, gesturing at the room. "He's officially late."

Jimin grins, and Hoseok finds himself grinning back.

 

It's strange, dancing with an audience. Of course he's performed for people before, he's a dance major after all, most of them in this group are, and dancing isn't something they do for private consumption. But this is the first time Hoseok's had someone watch a practice with as much dedicated interest as Jimin. It makes everything better somehow, his motions sharper, his moves tighter, and the music is singing in his blood by the time the hour is up and they have to stop.

"Good class!" Mihyun says, fist bumping Hoseok and eying Jimin curiously. "I think you did well with the company." Hoseok shrugs, embarrassed, and watches her follow after Shi Ah, who's giggling at something on her phone; Hoseok hears her say something that sounds suspiciously like, "Binnie." _It's a good thing Taehyung isn't here._

"You're good," Jimin says, and Hoseok glances over towards the chair only to step back when he finds Jimin mere inches away.

"We have a lot of work to do before we're ready," Hoseok says, and Jimin doesn't argue or ply him with false compliments, only nods in understanding. It's nice.

"What about you?" he asks, suddenly curious and throwing all caution to the wind. Jimin gets a look in his eyes that Hoseok can somehow understand, maybe because he's had that same look on his face all too often, and he steps back to get out of the way as Jimin pulls off his jacket and leaps into the music, limbs moving gracefully with the melody as his feet carry him in confident footwork around the space.

When he stops, Hoseok applauds and Jimin flushes pink with happiness, even though he seems to think he's rusty. If this is rusty then Hosoek's not sure he wants to know what good is, and it doesn't seem fair at all that Jimin isn't a dance major or at least in a dance group.

 

 _Don't fall for someone_  
_who’s not willing_  
_to catch you._  
— source unknown

 

Jimin tags along when Hoseok says he's heading to the coffee shop in the library for an ice coffee, and they end up sitting at a corner table, overlooking the quad and all the students roaming around in the sunlight, sitting on the grass in the leafy shade of trees. Jimin sips his coffee from a straw, the darkness softened with milk and sugar, while Hoseok prefers his slightly bitter.

He glances over at Jimin, who seems so normal, and yet he remembers Taehyung's words. "He missed the auditions because of the hospital," and "He fell in love." It doesn't make any sense, but Jimin had been annoyed with Taehyung, which made it seem like it was true. He takes a sip of coffee, then ends up coughing when Jimin speaks.

"You can ask, you know," Jimin says, startling Hoseok out of his thoughts. He doesn't look annoyed now, merely amused. "I know what you're thinking."

Hoseok feels himself flushing in embarrassment, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, his eyes watering. "I'm sorry," he says, "I know it's personal." Jimin hands him a napkin and shrugs.

"It's just me," he says finally. "And I want to be friends with you; is that okay?"

Hoseok finds himself nodding vehemently before he even realizes it. "Of course!" he says, "and you should join our dance group if you have time. Taehyung's in it and he's not even a dance major."

"Taehyung is Taehyung," Jimin says, rolling his eyes and shaking the ice in his cup, but he nods. Takes another sip and clears his throat.

"You really don't have to explain," Hoseok begins, but Jimin shakes his head.

"No," he says, "I want to." He sits back in his chair, looking up at the ceiling before he looks back at Hoseok. "Have you heard of anthophilia?"

Hoseok blinks. Thinks for a minute and nods. "That's the one with the. . .flowers? Right?"

Jimin nods. "It turns out I have the recessive gene from both my parents," he says, and Hoseok's mouth drops open.

"But that's. . .crazy?" He winces then, his expression apologetic, but Jimin shrugs.

"It's not usually that big of a deal," he says, "anthophilia is usually easily cured with a special herbicide. But I'm allergic to flowers."

"Like hayfever?" Hoseok asks, even though he suspects it's not that easy. Taehyung had mentioned the hospital after all.

Jimin shakes his head. The air feels heavy, even before he opens his mouth. "When I come into contact with flowers, I go into anaphylactic shock," he explains, and Hoseok understands everything.

The mention of hospitals suddenly sounds that much more ominous.

"But—" he looks around anxiously, remembering the flowers he'd seen outside. Jimin laughs, and the air lightens.

"Don't worry!" he says. "I have an epipen but really it's more that I have to avoid touching flowers and especially breathing them in, like I can't eat flowers or stick my face in them." Hoseok nods.

"Anyway it's okay," Jimin says, and shrugs. "Whatever. Life."

But after they wave goodbye, and promise to meet at the dance group again, Hoseok is still thinking about it.

 

 _Don't forget to_  
_fall in love with_  
_yourself first._  
— Carrie Bradshaw

 

"You're distracted," Shi Ah says, after Hoseok stumbles for the fifth time in a single practice.

"I'm fine," he protests, but he knows he's lying. Jimin has been coming around for a few practices, but he'd messaged this morning to tell Hoseok that he had a medical appointment, "just a check up," he'd reassured him, but Hoseok's head was still caught in Jimin's words, black letters on a white background, and not on the moves, which was never a good idea.

Taehyung glances at him, but presses start on the music again, as they shift and move, Mihyun swirling into position, Hoseok flipping across the the space and—

_BAM_

Suddenly he's blinking up at the ceiling from the floor, the beat still thumping in the ground, seeping into his bones, but the foootsteps have stopped.

"Are you okay?" Shi Ah asks, helping him up; she looks concerned but also frustrated. Taehyung shuts off the music, and walks over. "If your head isn't in the game, then you need to take a break," Shi Ah continues, hands on her hips. "You could hurt yourself."

Hoseok frowns. He needs to dance though, that's the thing, he needs to get his mind off of Jimin because lately that's all he can think about and even dancing isn't working—

"Okay, executive decision," Mihyun interrupts. "As the vice president or associate captain or whatever, I'm calling today's practice done. Everyone go and take a breather and we'll come back tomorrow with our heads straight."

"We don't have a vice president," Taehyung says, sticking out his tongue even though he's not disagreeing with the end of practice. He grabs a towel, flinging it over at Hoseok who catches it out of reflex, hanging limply from his hands.

"We do now," Mihyun says, and glares at Hoseok as though inviting disagreement. Hoseok just nods. It feels like there's something in his chest, in his throat, lately, and nothing will dislodge it.

"Okay then," Shi Ah says, grabbing her bag and heading for the change room. "See you tomorrow!" She waves, glancing back at Hoseok with what looks like concern, before disappearing through the doors.

"What's really going on?" Mihyun asks, but Hoseok just shrugs. He doesn't know either. "You're going to get hurt if you can't figure it out," she finally says, punching him affectionately on the arm as she leaves.

Hoseok doesn't even react, just slides over to the bench and slumps down, pressing the home button of his phone, but there are no messages.

"Hey," Taehyung says, sitting down beside him. "Is this about Jimin?" Hoseok looks away.

"I just. . .can't stop thinking about him," he admits. He won't tell Taehyung what he's really thinking though, something he hasn't even admitted to himself yet.

Taehyung stares at him for a moment, and then reaches for a water bottle, dropping it in Hoseok's lap. He winces at the cold, but opens it to take a relieved gulp.

And spits the water right out.

"What—"?

But Hoseok is choking now, the constant pressure lately in his chest, his throat, spilling up into his mouth and out onto the puddle of water on the floor as he falls forward off the bench, landing heavily on his hands.

Small clusters of tiny purple petals, and the smell of something like vanilla and almond, spilling over his hands, landing in the water, sticky from his mouth.

"Oh shit," Taehyung whispers.

Hoseok doesn't say anything at all.

 

 _I didn’t wanna fall in love_  
_not at all._  
  
_But at some point you smiled,_  
_and,_  
_holy shit,_  
_I blew it._  
— source unknown

 

**Author's Note:**

> The flower Hoseok coughs up is [heliotrope](http://www.fragrantica.com/news/Heliotrope-in-Perfumes-2755.html). thanks L!
> 
>  **prompt:**  
> [花吐き病 hanahaki byou](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKaPwr2_XWc) short film by [Regina Inonog](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb1yWmfQkr2lixvU9r061Uw)


End file.
